What I Learned from Hachi

This post started out as a blurb I put on an email that I sent to a few people this morning, but after I hit "sent", God kept talking to my heart, so I decided to share it with a bigger audience. :)

Last night we saw the movie "Hachi: A Dog's Tale." (Spoiler alert!) Based on a true story, it's such an amazing tale of love and loyalty. The dog waited for his deceased owner for over nine years at the train station where he had waited for him everyday since he was a young dog, until he himself died at the train station.

God reminded me of Heb 13:5: "for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]" (AMP) I love the emphasis in the Amplified! Obviously the dog didn't understand that his owner wasn't coming back. But, what God reminded me was that, like that dog, He is always there for us, in everything, in every situation, in the parts of our hearts that are warm, and at those parts of our hearts that we're still learning how to open. He is ALWAYS waiting to receive us with love, loyalty, and patience. He is always there to support us, and He will never relax His hold on us, not even to the smallest degree!

Okay, first off, for you parents out there, this really is a great family movie that could easily lend to a discussion of what it means to be loyal and patient. Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's get back to Heb 13:5b. At the risk of sounding like a Bible teacher, I want to break down this verse phrase by phrase because each phrase is so powerful!

So, here's the breakdown:
- "for He [God] Himself has said..." That means God said this. No one made it up for Him. He said it and He does not lie!

- "I will not in any way fail you..." He will not fail us in any way! Yes, obvious, but profound. We fail ourselves and each other constantly. In our finiteness and sinfulness (that we're learning to overcome) we mess up. Sometimes from one second to the next. But God will never ever fail us!

- "nor give you up..." No matter what we do or say or how deep our sinfulness, His infinite, powerful love is greater! He will not give up on us.

- "nor leave you without support..." He promised to give us the Holy Spirit as our guide and comforter, and He has placed us in a body and set us in families. No matter what we are facing we are not without support. We can turn to the people He has put in our lives, but when they fail us we can turn to Him. Even before they fail us, before we turn to them, we should turn to Him. He should ever be the One to whom we first turn. "I lift up my eyes to the hills..." (Ps 121). God, the Maker of heaven, earth, and all things good, the One who is always watching over us and never sleeps, that amazing God is our Helper!

- "[I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless..." As if a singular statement is not enough, here it is stated three times for emphasis. He absolutely will not, under any circumstances, to even the tiniest degree, leave us helpless. He will always walk beside us. He will always lift us up and carry us. He will daily feed and nurture us, encouraging our growth and maturity. He will ever guide us, love us, care for us. He will not leave us alone. This is how we know the Deists were wrong. God is not a great watchmaker who after creating the thing, winds it up and lets it run its course without his interference. That is a god who leaves us. That is not our God. This is the acid test. If someone presents to you a god who is willing to stand by and watch and not be involved in your life, then you know that god is not the one true God. Again, God is our Helper!

- "nor forsake..." So what does forsake mean, exactly? It's not really an everyday term. Well, according to Dictionary.com it means, "(1) to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert; (2) to give up or renounce;" and to completely decline, deny, refuse. God is not going to do any of that. Remember the emphasis, ("[I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree...")? He is adamant. He simply won't do it!

- " nor let [you] down..." He will never be a disappointment to us. Now there may be time when we feel hurt or confused or disappointed, but He will never let us down. Remember this phrase also comes after the emphasis. Even when it feels like He has let us down, He hasn't let us down! There are lots of reasons why we may feel that God has let us down. To this day I still feel disappointed at times that I had three C-sections when my desire was for natural birth. But despite the enemy's best efforts to convince me otherwise (and believe me, at times he had me convinced) I know without a shadow of a doubt that God did not let me down. I still don't fully understand why things happened as they did. I know some of it was related to choices I made, some of it can be contributed to the fact that we live in a fallen world, and there's probably a dozen other contributing factors. Regardless I know that God did not let me down. He was there with me through it all. He felt my pain and held my heart. Even when I couldn't feel how near He was to me, He was there. Just because something feels true does not mean that it is true. I have realized that the more I dwell on the negative of a situation, the more likely I am to believe that God has let me down. There are times when He has to let us go through things that are difficult. Recall that I said that He is daily encouraging our growth and maturity. Maturity does not take place in the absence of challenge. Just as there are times we have to let our kids struggle with something so they can master it, the same is true for us. Sometimes God has to let us struggle with things so that we can master them. There are also times when the greater good is at stake. What would have happened if God has rescued Jesus from the cross? You may be thinking, "Yeah, but He is God." Well, then what would have happened if John hadn't been exiled to Patmos. What would have happened if Daniel hadn't been taken into the king's service in Babylon? What would have happened if Joseph hadn't been taken into captivity in Egypt or Moses hadn't been exiled to the wilderness? And of course, there are countless other examples that prove my point. Adverse circumstances are the fertile fields into which God's glory is planted and eventually revealed. Tertullian said, "the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church." The fact is we do live in a fallen world. Bad things will happen. The world will let us down. People will let us down. But God will not, will not, will not in any degree let us down.

- "nor...(relax My hold on you)!..." He will always hold us tightly, close to His heart. He values us. He treasures us. Where your treasure is, there is your heart. That's as true for God as it is for us. He treasures us, so He makes His home in our hearts. (Eph 3:17) He will not relax His hold. Another thing, this is the final phrase after the emphasis, and the sentence ends with an explanation point--even more emphasis! It's not often that you see an explanation point in the Bible. I think God really wanted to drive home just how deeply He meant His promise that He won't leave us. He will always be with us. He always has room for us.

Hachi and Parker (Hachi's owner) had a regular meeting place where they met everyday. Hachi was waiting there for Parker. So, where is your meeting place with God? He is waiting for you there. Go to Him!

Psalm 121 (AMP)

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Ephesians 3:17 (AMP)

May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, (Take the time to carefully read Eph 3:16-21 in the Amplified. It will blow you away!)

My Pride and Joy

“Mommy, are you proud of me?” That’s what my oldest daughter asked me yesterday. Of course my answer was a resounding, “Yes!” Not that I need a reason to be proud of her, but she is so very amazing. She is smart, beautiful, and sweet. Right now she’s reading, learning Spanish, learning Sign Language, and helping out at home. She has an unswerving faith, as she prays every night for my arm and doesn’t question why it’s not completely better yet. She’s making this transition to homeschool really well so far. She asked me almost everyday since school let out, “When are we going to do my homeschool?” I gave her about a week and a half before starting the language sampler we’re doing this summer, thinking it would be good to give her some time off. She would have been just fine if I’d started the day after school let out. She was so excited when we started yesterday that she did three lessons! She’s been reading everything she sees with words on it and it’s not uncommon that I have to tell her to stop reading so she can finish whatever task she’s meant to be about at that particular moment. School has only been out two weeks, yet already I can see some amazing changes in her.

My girl is very cautious and timid, especially with unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations. One of those situations is being in the water. She is very afraid, and though we’ve worked with her as much as we could, we could get her to relax only a little. Going to a pool was usually not the most enjoyable activity for us. We’ve wanted to get swim lessons for her in the past, but just have not been able to afford it. This year our city is giving free swim lessons! You’d better believe I had every intention of taking advantage of that deal! I went to the sign up at one pool (early, I thought), and couldn’t get her in. I was so desperate to get her into the free lessons that I rushed home and started calling other pools to find an opening. Despite the massive line at the first pool I went to, no one had signed up at the second pool, but they were closing the sign ups in 15 minutes. You had to be present to sign up, so I rushed back out the door to get her name on the list. When I got to the second pool I realized why no one had signed up there. Let’s just say it’s not the greatest of neighborhoods, though it’s adjacent to one of the city’s major tourist attractions. It’s not the worst neighborhood either, but when I saw the depressed surroundings I definitely had second thoughts about signing her up there. But I knew she needed it, and God was using the city to provide it for us, and we can be a light in that dark place. As much as possible, my husband takes her to the pool (which is called Happy Hill, ironically enough). I do believe it’s pretty safe, despite the surroundings. I’ve worked in some really bad places in the past and this neighborhood is like a quiet, peaceful meadow in comparison.

So though we’ve had to contend with some obstacles (like her having pink-eye the second day of lessons), she is getting the instruction she needs to help her begin getting comfortable with the water. She was a bit apprehensive about the lessons at first, and that first day she was not the most cooperative student. But in the days that have followed she has become excited and looks forward to the class. She wants to practice as much as she can, either by going to the pool, setting up our little backyard inflatable pool, or even trying to float in the bathtub. Each time she gets in the water she becomes more comfortable and relaxed. Last night I was watching her “practice” in the bathtub and I could see a confidence in her that I haven’t seen before. She was talking to her daddy and me, and suddenly she seemed a bit grown up and sophisticated (as possible as that is since she was in the bathtub and was wearing swim goggles). She was presenting herself well, her voice took on a tone I’ve never heard from her before, and despite her vulnerability in that instance, I knew she would accomplish everything she was talking about at that moment. She is doing something that is uncomfortable for her and is finding her comfort zone in the water. She is trying something new and difficult. She is overcoming her fear. And that is the confidence that I saw coming out of her last night, the confidence of someone who is facing her fear and defeating it. And for that I am immensely proud of her.

What I Learned at the NCHE Home Education Convention (Part Three)

This is the final installment of this particular series of posts. For this final installment, I want to leave you with some of my favorite notes, often things I heard over and over again from several different speakers. I feel that this information is so valuable I just have to share it!

(Regarding references: the lack of quotation marks does not mean that what I have written is not a direct quote. I may simply have failed to mark it as such in my notes. Other items are paraphrased. Since I have no way of knowing at this point what is a direct quote and what is a paraphrase, I am just referencing the speaker(s) for each item. I will reference full names and websites, when applicable, only once and put their initials by subsequent items.)

- “You are a life changer, a legacy leaver, a memory maker! What are you going to do about it today?” (Jennifer Schmidt)
- God has given your children to you to exalt you, not burden you. (Hal & Melanie Young)
- Prayerfully get insight from God that gives purpose to what you are doing. (Bonita Lillie)
- Begin with the end in mind. (B. L. and M. Y.)
- Get your husband's input. (Ronda Marshall, and B. L.)
- The end goal is to train them to make the best choices that are pleasing to God...and to train them to follow Him, not you. (Ned Ryun)
- Instill in them a desire to be like Christ. Show them all sides of Christ. (H. & M. Y.)
- Disciples become like the teacher. Who will you allow to disciple your children? (M. Y., J. S., and Brian Ray, PhD)
- What makes homeschooling better? We've gone back to the Word & we promote character above all else in education. (Kevin Swanson)
- Focus on discipleship & character development rather than academic achievement. (R. M., J. S., B. L., H. & M. Y., and K. S.)
- Proverbs is God's theory on the education of a child. Pr 1:7 – The beginning of knowledge is the fear of God. All education should be brought back to the fear of God. God should be recognized in every aspect of education. (K.S.)
- Provoke a love of learning in your kids. (M. Y.)
- Home education is life-integrated education. (K. S. and M. Y.)
- The heart of home education is relationships. (K. S., H. & M. Y., J. S., and R. M.)
- Relax and have fun learning with your children! Cherish the time you have with them. (R. M. and M. Y.)
- Start living intentionally. Teach as you live. (M. Y., J. S., and R. M.)
- Eat together as a family and use meal times to talk about what they're learning. (J. S. and M. Y.)
- Instill the value that our worth comes from Him. (J. S.)
- Don't compare yourself (your family) to others. It's the death of contentment. (B. L.)
- Do what works for your family. (M. Y., B. L., and R. M.)
- Get your husband's input. (Vicki Bentley)
- “Blessed are the flexible because they shall not be broken.” (B. L.)
- Flow with the seasons. (B. L. and R. M.)
- Homeschooling means individualized education that fits each child. (R. M., B. L., and M. Y.)
- It's impossible to standardize your children. (K. S. and M. Y.)
- Get the perfect day out of your head & do what is doable. (B. L.)
- Take the time to celebrate what you've accomplished rather than focusing on what didn't get done. (R. M.)
- Get your husband's input. (N. R. and M. Y.)
- Don't set goals about things you can't change. (M. Y.)
- Organization is a means of functioning effectively. It doesn't mean an immaculate house. (V. B.)
- Break things down into components. Make measurable, obtainable goals. (V. B. and H. & M. Y.)
- Cover the basics first – Reading, Writing, & Math. (B. L., J. S., and M. Y.)
- Train them to be autonomous, independent learners. (M . Y. and B. L.)
- It's not what you expect. It's what you inspect. (R. M., M. Y., and V. B.)
- Explain the vision to them & show them how their education fits into the vision. When they complain, give them purpose for what they have to do. (H. & M. Y.)
- Give them an opportunity to fail while they're still at home, while it's still recoverable, and we can still help them understand what happened and how to adjust. (H. & M. Y., and J. S.)
- Get your husband's input. (J. S.)

What I Learned at the NCHE Home Education Convention (Part Two)

The time has come to end your suspense. I know you were all sitting the edges of your seats, biting your nails in anticipation of this post. Well, agonize no longer, because as this post unfolds I will give you the answers that you seek.

So, how did I find my footing that crazy Thursday afternoon? Once I got into the right session and began to listen to Kevin Swanson, God immediately started confirming that my husband and I are making the right choice for our family. The speaker talked about the statistical differences, in terms of testing and grade level, between home educated kids and those who attend school in a typical classroom setting. Prior to the conference I had heard that homeschooled kids typically perform better on standardized tests than their peers, but I found out that this statement is supported by the research, even for kids whose parents have only a high school education. After revealing the statistical justification for homeschooling, Mr. Swanson began to cast vision for home education. I began to see homeschooling not only as a way to protect my children from the many negative influences in the public school setting, but as a way to emphasize and instill godly character in them. Prior to the conference I knew that educating my children at home could foster a close bond with them that would be more difficult to maintain if they were away from me six or more hours a day, but during that session I began to see homeschooling as relational in nature. I began to see it not as a clandestine dispersal of academic information, but as a way of teaching children about life through the everyday struggles and experiences of life. Mr. Swanson also reminded us that the fear of God is the beginning of knowledge (Proverbs 1:7).

Now, are my kids going to learn the fear of God in a typical classroom setting? Definitely not in public school! Because of “separation of Church and State” (which is not even in the Constitution) it's not allowed. Perhaps in a private school they may be directed to the fear of God, but there are no guarantees. Even in Christian private schools academics has often become the emphasis above all else. What about church? While not a typical classroom setting, it is a place where kids learn about God. And it is very true that my kids will learn about God at church. The problem is they are at church, at most, six out of 168 hours per week. Fearing God happens moment to moment in the daily activities of life. It's not a practice that's isolated to a small segment of life. So the best setting for them to learn the fear of God is in the day to day activities at home, seeing it modeled by me and their father. Wow! What a responsibility! But it is a challenge I want to take on.

What I learned and the vision I received during that session was the foundation for the rest of the conference. What a foundation to build on! I certainly felt informed, confirmed, encouraged, and enlightened after I left that first session. Each session that followed continued to clarify what home education is and what it is not. For example, it is a chance to give children a rich education through real-life experiences as opposed to simply relying on what one is told in a book that may or may not contain truthful information. Of course, books are greatly utilized in home education, but a book cannot give you the same type of tangible information that a life experience can. Through homeschooling we have the opportunity to go as often as we can where history was made, where science is practiced, where art is seen, heard, and touched, and where occupations are exercised. Real life experiences are very limited in a typical classroom setting because of financial restrictions. My daughter's class was only allowed four field trips this year, and they only went to places within the county because of cost. Where better to learn about the Battle of Gettysburg, than at Gettysburg?

Through the course of the weekend, my excitement continued to build as I continued to learn. Not only was the information philosophical. There was also lots of great practical information. And the camaraderie I felt with other members of the body of Christ was amazing. I've never had an experience quite like that before, even in church. I think the reason was that even though we were from various parts of the state and country, and hold to various types of Christian ideology, we had a unified goal: to raise children in the nourishment and admonition of the Lord. And for me, that is what homeschooling is all about.

So where did the confusion come in? That was in the curriculum arena. In the book fair there were so many curriculum vendors. In fact, the vast majority of vendors sold curriculum. The sheer number of choices was very overwhelming. So, I pretty much avoided those booths. I was pretty sure that I already knew that I would be using the online-based curriculum from k12.com. However, in talking to people before the conference, I learned about Charlotte Mason methods (this is only one of several websites about her methods), so I went to a session about it. I must say that I was really intrigued. I even talked with the speaker after the session. That meant that now I had a decision to make. Was I going to stick with the original plan, or would I try something different? For the fall, at least, we have decided to stick with the original plan, at least to help me get started. I am certainly not opposed to incorporating additional books or methods when I feel it is appropriate, however. This type of flexibility is part of the beauty of homeschooling.

Last year I was so scared to homeschool. But, God has brought me from fear to faith. I am so excited, I can't wait to get started! We're going to do a language sampler this summer and I, Miss Unorganized herself, have even laid out a basic schedule already! I am usually the person that can't think clearly about an event until it is right on top of me, and I was able to sit down and hash out a schedule a full month ahead of time! God has taken my fear, confusion, and feelings of being overwhelmed and has endowed me with faith, confidence, excitement, grace, ability, peace and strength. Of course, I am fully aware that everything will not go perfectly – that there will be good and bad days. But a course has been laid out before us, and, as a family with God's help, we will follow it through to the end!

What I Learned at the NCHE Home Education Convention (Not Yet)'

I knew I had a busy day in store yesterday, full of appointments and meetings, and might not have time to work on a post for today. So yesterday when I said, "Tomorrow I will..." what I meant was "In the next post I will...." I'm aiming for tomorrow, but this time I won't promise you tomorrow. The truth is I just wanted to increase the suspense. ;) So, till tomorrow (hopfully)!

What I Learned at the NCHE Home Education Conference (Part One)

I wasn't originally planning on writing this post, but my dear friend, Flo, told me via facebook that she couldn't wait to hear about what I learned last weekend. So, you can thank her for this post! ;) Actually, it's a very good thing for me to write this, because I know it will really solidify in my mind what God showed me this past weekend. I must say that it was an amazing time! It was overwhelming, encouraging, enlightening, confirming, confusing, and clarifying! I don't think I can fit it all in one post, so I'll make this another series. (I do so like writing serial posts!)

I found out about this event about three weeks before it happened, and I've never been to one before. Let's just say I had no expectations for this event because I had no idea what to expect! So I arrive downtown last Thursday afternoon, and of course it's at a convention center that has no parking of its own. I'm running late because of picking up my daughter from school, and I was prepared to drive around the city (a part of the city I've rarely been to) on the hunt for a parking space. I had emptied our trusty coin jar for just this situation. But, glory be to God, I found a space in a free public lot one block behind the convention center!

So I'm praising God under my breath while I'm walking to the door while still feeling a bit on the nervous side, not knowing what I'd find in that big, ominous building that filled an entire block. I approach the first door I see with my heart lightly palpitating, reach out for the handle, pull, and... NOTHING! The door was locked! Of course that didn't make me feel like a dork, especially since there were about five people who saw my pointless effort! So I kept going about ten more feet and saw an open door! Oh, the joy! I quickly ducked inside the door, acting like it was perfectly normal to try to open a locked door when there's another one standing wide open. Then I tried to find the Registration table. So I circled the entire lower hallway, ducking people, kids, rolling carts, strollers, tables, chairs... looking for a booth, sign, or anything that would show me where Registration was located. Again, nothing. Finally, I saw a volunteer who was eying me suspiciously, and asked him where I needed to go. He politely pointed me in the right direction. So I had to turn around, go in the opposite direction from whence I came, dodge the people and things again, go up the escalator, dodge more people and things, and then I saw a table that looked like it might be Registration. So I inquired of the people who were sitting there, and was somewhat patronizingly informed that it was actually the Volunteer table, and that I needed to keep going. So I continued my trek, hiking around the many obstacles in my path, when, finally, in the distance, I saw it! I spied a giant "REGISTRATION" sign with several booths and people, and I heard angels singing! I went from joy to ecstasy! I knew I was right where I was supposed to be! I did the dance of joy in my heart! (Okay, maybe the reaction wasn't quite that exuberant, but I was relieved, at least, to find Registration.)

So I found Registration, and you know what I did next? I registered! I know! Smart, huh? Then I had to figure out what to do next. I looked in the program, and during each session, there were eight different speakers covering eight different topics in eight different workshops with no repeats! I had to fight to keep my eyes from crossing when I looked at the agenda. With some effort I figured out which session I would go to at the appropriate time (I had already missed the first session) and then decided to go check out the book fair. Now, apparently this book fair is a big deal. They charge 30 smackers just to get into the thing. But, even armed with that knowledge I was still completely unprepared for the behemoth I was about to face (not that the book fair is monstrous – it's just really, really huge! And when I say really huge, I mean REALLY HUGE!). I walked into the exhibit hall, as innocent as Eve before she met the serpent, took one look around, and was completely dazzled by the vast quantities knowledge tempting me to take a taste. That room (which is bigger than a football field) was so completely filled with vendor booths that I didn't know which way to turn. So I just picked a direction and went with it. Well, there were well over 100 vendors, so I certainly didn't see them all before my first session started. I left the exhibit hall, knowing I was destined to return, and went to my session.

Well, I thought I did. I got in there, and the person talking was a woman, and I had picked a session with a male speaker. I realized something was amiss. I had to sneak out and find the right room, and then sneak into the my chosen session. At least I didn't make that mistake again!

So I think you get a picture of why I was overwhelmed. And all this happened just within my first 60 minutes at the conference! Tomorrow I'll talk about the wonderful things God showed me. It's amazing how He can move you from a place of being overwhelmed to a place of confidence!

To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool? That Was the Question, Part Two

Like I said in the last post, I would love honest input from anyone with any sort of experience with homeschooling, whether that's as teacher (past or present), future teacher, or student. Feel free to answer as many or as few of the questions as you'd like. So let the brain picking begin! If you only answer one question, could you answer this one: What is your best piece of advice for a successful homeschool experience? Here are my other questions:

For past/current homeschool parents-
1. Why did you choose to homeschool?
2. How did/do you manage it all without going crazy?
3. Any advice on paying for it?
4. What benefits have you seen from homeschooling?
5. What (if any) are the disadvantages of homeschooling and how do you compensate for those?
6. What about socialization?
7. If you no longer homeschool, why did you stop?
8. If you took your kids out of brick and mortar school in order to homeschool, how did you get your kids on board (especially if they liked school)?
9. Any advice on setting up your school space?
10. If you or your spouse had any reservations about homeschooling, what were they, and how did you address them?
11. How did/do you manage your child if he/she didn't want to cooperate with school time?
12. If you had/have more than one student, how do you manage teaching more than one at a time?
13. What are your favorite homeschooling resources?

For future homeschooling parents-
1. What are your reasons for homeschooling?
2. What is your plan for managing it all?
3. Any advice on paying for it?
4. What are your favorite homeschooling resources?
5. What are your concerns or hesitations?

For past or current homeschool students-
1. Why did your parents choose homeschool for you?
2. Any tips for managing it all?
3. Did/do you like homeschooling?
4. Did/do you ever wish you were in a regular school?
5. Were you in a regular school before homeschool? If so, how did your parents bring you on board?
6. What are the advantages you've seen from your homeschool experience?
7. Do you feel there are any disadvantages to homeschooling?
8. What about socialization?
9. For those who graduated from homeschool, do you feel you were adequately prepared for college or a job?
10. What do you wish your parents had done differently in regards to homeschooling?
11. What are your favorite homeschooling resources?

I am so looking forward to reading your responses. Thanks for your input!

To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool? That Was the Question, Part One

Long time, no blog! I know... I'm not sure why life seems to be so much busier this spring than last fall, but my time has been more limited, so it's been harder to find time to blog. As far as Cat Scratch Fever goes, I'm doing very well now. My arm still bothers me some, but the doctors said it can take months to go completely back to normal. The important thing is that I am healing!

So there's a lot going on in life right now, as I said. I've got a beautiful little organic veggie garden going that I'm very excited about. It's been a nice little sanctuary for me – a little time away from it all in my own backyard. I'll have to blog about it soon. I've also been trying to get another developmental evaluation for my son so we can get the therapies he needs from the state and to get funding for his services. We're having to do this all on our own, and it's really hard and time consuming! (I'll blog about this later, too.) And, of course, the school year is winding down so there's a lot going on with that. Which leads me to the next big thing, and the point of this post... (*Fanfare*) Dum du du du Dum daaaa! (*drumroll*): We're homeschooling next year! (*More fanfare*) Dum da da daaaaa!

My original desire for my kids' education was to homeschool them. The more I've learned about public school, the less I've wanted to have to do with it. It was bad enough when I came up through public school, and that was in a small, sheltered mountain community. The education and opportunities were fine. Most of my teachers were at least okay, and many of them were excellent. There was the occasional difficult teacher, but I got through those years okay. I think I got a pretty good, well-rounded education. However, I was teased incessantly from 3rd grade through middle school, as well as bullied on the bus until I started driving myself to school. The things I was exposed to from my peers would probably have made my parents' hair stand on end had they known. But, we had no need for metal detectors, drug-sniffing canines, or even a resource officer on campus. Really, what I was exposed to was pretty tame according to today's standards.

Of course, it's today's standards that frighten me about the state of American public school education. I'm frightened not only by what the kids are exposed to from their peers, but what they're exposed to from their teachers, the curriculum that is used, and the terrible stuff they disguise as food in the cafeteria, among other things. We have a friend whose son was in a local charter school in the third grade, and they had to have “The Talk” with him because of what another boy at school told him. The history books of today have huge holes, and are more concerned about “political correctness” than accuracy. Science (if it can really be called that when it denies any of the potential causes for phenomena) tries to destroy any possibility of God in the kids' imaginations. Teachers are required to expose kids to topics that should only be taught at home. Our own daughter had to listen to a story about non-traditional gender roles during her Guidance special in Kindergarten. Of course, unfortunately, a lot of kids would never receive moral education at home–and parents are a big part of the problem with public school education. You should hear some of the horror stories my mom, who teaches public middle school, tells about parents. And when it comes to nutrition, well lets just say I did some scary reading recently in my daughter's school cafeteria when I looked at the back of a food package label that was served there.

So why not private school? Well, affordability is a big factor. Then there's still the nutrition, peer, parent, and even teacher problems. I know a lot of people that went to private Christian schools that have a lot of horror stories. I also believe that according to Deut. 4:9-10, 6:7, 11:18-28, and Prov. 22:6 that God's ideal for education is in the home.

So why did we put Korrynn in public school this past year? Money was a big reason. We constantly had more month than money and couldn't really afford to buy curriculum. And, to be honest, I was scared to death. I am not very good with the whole organization thing, and I have a tendency to get very overwhelmed with the kids and housework. I was a Pampered Chef consultant for a short while which I had to give up because I wasn't able to take care of the kids (and we only had two kids at that time), the house, and the business. We also felt that brick and mortar school could have some benefits for Korrynn. She didn't go to preschool and was very timid in many ways. Eliciting participation from her in new activities, especially away from home, was very difficult. We thought school might toughen her up a bit. So we prayed about it and felt released from any obligation to homeschool this past year. I felt like God was telling me He was giving me a year to get my act together. That was a very hard decision to make. I felt guilty, like I was giving up, and I felt like a hypocrite.

As we got into the school year we did see Korrynn begin to open up and blossom socially. She lost a lot of that timidity that held her back so often (though it's not completely gone). One thing she's good at, despite the shyness, is making friends. She could make friends with a tree if it would play with her once she is comfortable with her surroundings. She has really enjoyed her friends at school. She is also very smart. Her teacher told me that because of everything Korrynn knew when she started school, she had no idea that Korrynn didn't go to preschool. She has learned a lot, and is one of the top students in her class. I also saw school as a great way to meet people, network, and as a great way to be available to people to bring the Gospel to them. And, of course, going into it we didn't know that I was going to get sick, but there were a few weeks when I wouldn't have been able to be her teacher.

So now we're coming to the end of the school year, and I have to admit that it is tempting to let her go back to school next year. In a lot of ways it is the easy way out. There's little upfront cost. And to be honest I don't want to hurt Korrynn's feelings by taking her out of school. She likes school, and she really likes her friends, so I don't like taking those things away from her. But, frankly that's a consequence I need to deal with. I know God is directing me to homeschool next school year. Everywhere I turn He is putting people in my life that homeschool, or He is giving me messages through media. I've had to say, “Okay, God, I get the message! No fleece needed!” Shawn has been a little hesitant, partly because of the expense, partly because of my tendency to get overwhelmed, and because he says that most of the homeschoolers he's ever met are “strange”. (That's his word, not mine.) But, he has taken the time to get on the internet and do some research to “educate himself” (his words again). He is supporting me, and is helping me choose curriculum, work on a schedule, and figure out how to cover the cost. He sees God's undeniable leading in this, too, despite his reservations.

So, the decision is made. We've found an online curriculum, highly recommended by Dr. Dobson, that we like that does a lot of the organization for me, and seems to be very high quality, called k12.com. It is more expensive than most, but the cost is worth it if it gives us a greater chance of success. So, I'm really excited about bringing my daughter back home! One thing I've realized is that school can be really divisive because it takes her away from me and there's so much in her world right now that I'm not a part of. This year has really solidified the reasons to homeschool in my heart and mind, and has removed any doubts for me. I'm so glad for the people I know that have experience with homeschool. In the next post I'm going to be looking for input. I have a list of questions I want to ask because I can use all the support I can get!

If it Walks Like a Cat and Meows Like a Cat it Must be Cat Scratch Fever, or Much Ado About Nothing

Yes, as the title confirms, I have officially been diagnosed with Cat Scratch Fever. I saw the Infectious Disease Specialist last week, and he said that my symptoms are classic, and even though I wasn't scratched, everything fits the profile for the disease. We basically came to the conclusion that the bacteria must have entered through that boil in my arm. I do pick up my cats, so it is quite possible.

The thing that concerns me is that if I had been given the correct antibiotic in the first place the disease most likely would not have progressed to the point that I needed surgery. Neither person that I saw at my family practice even mentioned Cat Scratch Fever. My husband was the first to bring it up after doing internet research, but of course we dismissed it because I hadn't been scratched. The surgeon, the third person I saw, was the first medical type person to even mention Cat Scratch Fever. Now, I am very glad that the first LNP I saw got to work on ruling out cancer, because if it had been cancer I wanted to start treatment as soon as I could. But, it turned out to be “much ado about nothing”. Lets not be so hasty looking for big problems that we overlook the simple solutions. The disease I actually have is easily treated under the correct course of treatment. According to the Infectious Disease Specialist, the antibiotic the LNP prescribed me wouldn't even touch Cat Scratch Fever. And it didn't. She could have started me on the right course of treatment for Cat Scratch Fever while I underwent the testing to rule out cancer, because apparently if Cat Scratch Fever is left untreated, it can get pretty serious, even more so than what I experienced. The Infectious Disease Specialist said that it can migrate to the brain and cause some major problems. Wow, am I ever grateful that something like that didn't happen. (If it had, it would have been good material for an episode of “House”.) I think it pretty much goes without saying that I will not be returning to that family practice. I actually found an Integrative practice through Wake Forest University that I'm pretty excited about. They take the best of conventional and alternative treatments and use them in combination, and they take my insurance!

Of course, this whole situation hasn't been all bad, and I continue to be grateful for the lessons I've learned through this. I am now on the correct antibiotic, and my arm is getting better everyday. I will not need any more lymph node surgeries. My energy level is almost back to normal. And, this experience did give me a very valuable kick in the pants! I now have the motivation that was severely lacking to get control of my health. I have also learned to value my husband in a way I never have before. Also, we have had so many people stand with us in faith and prayer. It's always a wonderful privilege to observe the family of God at work. Amazing things always happen! Thank you to everyone who has stood with us. I really can't express how much that means to me. And, finally, as I've said before, I know God has been with me through this entire process. Despite it all, this situation continues to be an opportunity for God to be glorified!

Cat Scratch Fever? We'll See...

Insomnia... Man it drives me crazy. It is, unfortunately a regular night-time visitor. Not every night. It comes and goes. Usually it sticks around a couple of weeks at a time and then doesn't show up for another six weeks or so. Well, this time it took up residence for a week. So for a week I've been sleeping later than normal, so for a week I haven't blogged. But last night... well, last night I slept so well that Shawn couldn't wake me up to see Shaun White dominate the half pipe! I probably would've slept on till 6:30 if the little boy hadn't woken up at 5:20. But, then I wouldn't have had time to blog if I had.

So here's the lymph node drama update: Last Wednesday (after my blog posted, of course) I got another call from my surgeon. She said that the pathologist said that the lymph tissue they removed from my arm “showed the pattern of Cat Scratch Fever.” Well, other than fatigue, and my lymph nodes enlarging, I haven't had any other symptoms of Cat Scratch Fever. And, I haven't been scratched by either of my cats in so long, that I can't remember the last time I was scratched. As for the swelling, the plan was for me to come in this past Monday for my follow-up appointment, and she would drain off some fluid from my arm. But when I got there she said that she expected the swelling to be at the surgical sight, not in my tricep. She said that my surgical site actually looked really good, and was healing well, but the swelling in my arm wasn't normal. She referred me for yet another ultrasound to determine whether I had another swollen lymph node or a blood clot. Well, thank God, it's not a blood clot! It is another swollen lymph node, however. I see an infectious disease specialist today, so hopefully we'll get to the bottom of all this soon. I will be very happy to have full use of my arm again!

Through all this I've had the opportunity to see how amazingly valuable my husband really is. He has taken such good care of me for the last three weeks! He has taken time off work to take care of the kids. He has done extra work around the house to help me get ready for my Pampered Chef party on Friday (stoneware's on sale this month, yay!) He's trudged through when he wasn't feeling so well himself. He was feeling achy for a couple of days, but he did it all anyway. And, probably most importantly, he has encouraged me to start resuming some of my household duties as I've been able to without being overbearing. I really don't deserve him, considering all the stuff he's had to put up with from me. I've never been the best roommate. He's put up with a lot of stuff when others would have bailed. I'm so thankful for his commitment to our relationship. He's certainly not perfect, he is a man after all, but he's a good man, and I love him!

I'm also very grateful to God. This all would have been much more difficult to face without Him. I know I would have been full of fear if I hadn't been able to cast this care into His amazing hands. He has encompassed us with peace and has strengthened us. He has enabled us to wait through this time with grace. He has surrounded us with people that have stood with us in prayer and have supported us spiritually, emotionally, and practically. And, of course, He is the one who gave me my wonderful husband in the first place, not to mention the most fabulous kids that have helped to keep my spirits up. If God hadn't taken the time to instill a new level of character in me in the past few months, depression probably would have set in from the stress of dealing with illness. But, instead of going to despair, I've been able to rest in His peace. Even with all the pain and frustration and exhaustion, this really has been an amazing time! As I said before, this situation is an opportunity to glorify God, and He is glorified!