Having children has absolutely ruined me for life. I have two girls and a boy. All three have wormed their way into my heart so deeply that my life will never ever be the same as it was before I met them. Each one makes me melt till I sometimes feel like I’m little more than a pile of mush. When I’m away from them, my heart feels the absence deeply, even if they’re only in the next room. I constantly want to hold, kiss, tickle, hug, and whisper my adoration to them.
When one of them hurts, I hurt, and deeply so. If one of them is in trouble my heart will not rest until he or she is safe again. I will move heaven and earth for their happiness. Sometimes that means I must withhold from them what will bring them immediate happiness so that the foundation for their long-term happiness can be effectively built. I have to see past the moment. My love for them is deep enough that I can see the bigger picture and can discipline myself to discipline them, even when it’s difficult.
Oh, I am so in love, and so full of love for each of them that sometimes I am completely overwhelmed, and it seems as though my heart will break with the weight of that love. I cannot keep that love inside. If I tried it would be like a raging torrent locked up behind a dam. The dam won’t hold. The water must flow. The dam will burst. The waters of my love for them refuse to be locked away. They cannot and will not be ignored.
Before I knew my children I was able to live without them. It was so easy to be without them that now I can only marvel at the thought. I was competent in my ability to go about the day without much care. Now I’m a blubbering, sappy, gushing mess half the time. (Yet by some miracle somehow I still manage to get things done.) What used to be important to me seems so trivial now, so self-centered, and so pointless. Now God and family are by far the most important things in my life. My kids have invaded my world and inconvenienced me to no end – and it's sooo wonderful! Now that I know my kids, even though it’s been a relatively short amount of time, I cannot begin to fathom a life without them. If I ever had to live without them – their smiles, their laughter, their hugs, their scent, their silliness, their discoveries (good and bad), their insights, their kisses, their sweet faces, yes, even their (occasional) disobedience, their needs, their wants, their constant invasions and intrusions, the endless ways they find to inconvenience me, their presence, their amazing little lives… If ever the absence of even just one of them were to become permanent, oh the pain such a wound would cause (a pain I know some of you have experienced, including some members of my own family). The very fabric of my heart would be torn to shreds. I would gladly and readily sacrifice myself for each of them, but I pray that I never see a day when I am required to pick up the pieces of my life without one of them. Each one is so extremely valuable. Each one is priceless. Each one is irreplaceable.
You know the most awesome part? That’s exactly how Daddy God feels about each and every one of us. I fall far short of being a perfect parent, but He does not. Everything about Him is perfect, especially the many ways that He loves us.
Have a wonderful New Year everyone! I pray 2009 is the best year yet!